My Life As A TeenRobot Porno Story: Android Scam Chapter Two

Android Scam

A “My Life as a Teenage Robot” Fanfic

Chapter Two There’s a Bug Going Around

It was a beautiful day to be outside, even if only for an hour. A group of twenty kids was on the school ball field playing a little pick-up during lunchtime. Well, nineteen kids and one very happy teenage robot. Well, actually, eighteen kids, one happy teenage robot, and one nervous phony android.

“What is she doing here?!?” protested the pitcher, as Jenny walked towards home plate.

Saving my butt, that’s what she’s doing here. “What’s the matter Miguel?” Drew shouted from behind the bench. “Afraid to pitch to a girl?”

“Caramba! I’ll strike you out, rust bucket!”

A small group of onlookers gathered behind the backstop to watch the spectacle of a six-and-a-half-foot, super-powered robot girl taking practice swings. Jenny crouched down and adjusted her grip on the handle of the bat, like she’d seen in the Complete Video Encyclopedia of Baseball that she’d downloaded just before lunch hour. “All right boys,” she shouted, “show me the good stuff!”

“Oh, I’ll show you the good stuff!” Miguel looked in towards the catcher, and they agreed on a sign. “Hokay, robot, here comes the fastball. You’re not ever going to touch this pitch. You’re not even going to see it!”

“We’ll see!” Jenny tensed in her crouch. The pitcher went into a spectacular wind-up. In came the pitch. Jenny closed her eyes and swung with all her might. And missed completely. Her torso rotated in complete circles for a few seconds before she finally came to a stop. The wind from the swing gushed outwards, blowing the hats off of all the infielders.

Miguel’s “slow ball” had landed ten feet in front of home plate. The catcher lobbed the ball back to him as he laughed. “So sorry! It must have slipped out of my hand!”

Jenny frowned, and tapped her bat against her feet. “Pretty tricky.”

“That only works once, Miguel!” shouted Drew. “Jenny, keep your eyes on the ball!”

He wasn’t really paying attention to her, though. He looked around the field, towards the school, slowly walking back and forth. His knee was bothering him a bit today; it had been giving him trouble the last few weeks. I don’t see them yet. Drew looked a little concerned. Well, maybe they won’t show up today. He snorted. Like heck they won’t show up. They always show up on Mondays. And they always pound me on Mondays. Monday is Pounding Day. Well, maybe not today, he thought, looking back towards Jenny.

“All right. Let’s try that again.” Keep my eyes .. on the ball. And Jenny had rather amazing eyes. She crouched down again and focused on Miguel as he went into his wind-up. The instant the ball left his hand, Jenny projected a laser grid onto the inside of her eyeballs. Trajectory and tracking data streamed into her vision, and she precisely calculated the exact spot and time that the ball would cross the plate

Her bat exploded into sawdust on contact. Shock waves spread out and set off car alarms and broke windshields; the kids on the ball field were knocked flat on their backsides. The ball screamed into the air, invisible to the naked eye. A few seconds later, the turbulence from its flight could be seen disrupting clouds in the stratosphere.

The pitcher stared into the sky. “Madre de dios!”

“AWESOME!” screamed Jenny’s teammates. Jenny was still standing at the plate, concerned that she’d just reduced one the school’s bats to a smoldering ember. Then she realized they were cheering her. Even a few of the kids on the other team, climbing back to their feet, were cheering and whooping. Cheering me! She trotted around the bases, drinking in as much of the moment as she could.

Drew walked back to the bench and sat down. The knee really was bothering him today. “Pretty good poke there, slugger,” he said to Jenny as she came off the field. Let’s see if we can’t put those robo-muscles to better use.

“This is great!” she gushed, and started dancing playfully. “Go Jen-ny! Go Jen-ny! It’s my birth-day! It’s my birth-day!” A few of the kids joined her in making “raise the roof” gestures and whooping it up.

As she laughed with her teammates, Drew noticed just how much Jenny was enjoying the attention from her fellow students. She was soaking it up like a sponge. He hadn’t expected her to have this much fun. That wasn’t why he had invited her. He began to realize, though, that Jenny probably wouldn’t have cared if she was playing baseball or tiddly-winks. She ached to be around other teenagers and simply belong. It was actually kind of pathetic. Why try so hard to win the friendship of people who were just going to mock you and hurt you? And treat you like a freak? Didn’t she realize that being so eager made her vulnerable? To being hurt by snobs like the Krust cousins? Or believing something as stupid as me being an

“Android!“

Drew gritted his teeth. A rugby ball sailed from somewhere, and smacked him in the back of the head. Here we go.

“Hey Android! I’m talking to you!” Two hulking seniors swaggered towards the field, wearing matching striped rugby shirts in the school colors. Moose and Ox. Between them, they were almost six hundred pounds of solid muscle and bad haircuts. The mere sound of their voices sent a shudder through the other kids around the benches.

Drew had made a serious mistake a few months ago; as usual, his big mouth had gotten him into trouble. He’d been at Mezmer’s, and made a creative, sarcastic comment about the intelligence of rugby players. Unfortunately, Moose and Ox had been sitting in the next booth. That was not a pleasant memory he’d wound up upside-down in a trash can behind the building. He hadn’t been back to Mezmer’s since jocks hung out there all the time. To make matters worse, Moose and Ox had decided to make him their little “project”. As a way of reminding all the little people just who was in charge in the high school universe.

The other kids on the bench slowly slid away from Drew. Hey, thanks for the support, guys. He couldn’t get too upset; terror was the normal reaction to Moose and Ox. The game stopped as the players in the field watched the developing action, anticipating a very one-sided smackdown.

Ox picked up the rugby ball, stood directly behind Drew, and bounced it off the back of his head again. “I hear you’ve been shooting off your big mouth again, Android.”

Wow, that was fast. Brit and Tiff really are well connected. Drew clenched his jaw. He didn’t want to give them any satisfaction. Plus, “androids” didn’t experience pain, right? Need to keep up the act a bit longer to make this work. He turned to face them. “Moose. Ox. How’s it going, guys? Come to play a little baseball?”

“Actually, I feel more like playing a little ‘face-ball’.” Ox flexed his forearms and sent the ball rocketing towards Drew’s nose.

But an arm a pale-blue-striped robotic arm shot out of nowhere and caught the ball six inches from Drew’s face. The arm stretched twenty feet away, to an angry robot girl. Her eyes narrowed into slits. “Sorry, guys ball game’s over.” Jenny squeezed her hand, and popped the rugby ball like a balloon.

Ox and Moose turned and growled at Jenny. “This is none of your business, dork-bot,” said Ox.

“I’m making it my business. What have you got against androids? “

Yes! Drew mentally high-fived himself.

Moose grabbed Jenny’s extended arm. “Hey! Ox told you to buzz off -“

The arm yanked itself free, made a fist, and slammed into Moose’s stomach. Moose nearly folded in half as the air was driven from his lungs. Jenny picked up Moose by the scruff of his shirt and started swinging him in circles ten feet over her head. Moose turned into a blur as Jenny spun him faster and faster.

Ox grabbed a sack of baseballs and started hurling them at Jenny. The first one clanged off of her chest, but that just made her angrier. From her left elbow, she extended a stack of metal segments that unfolded into a shield. While deflecting the rest of the baseballs, she threw the now-airsick Moose directly at Ox. Ox didn’t even have time to react as his massive friend plowed into him and hurled them both backwards about thirty feet into the dirt. Moose and Ox lay motionless for a few seconds, groaning in misery.

Jenny huffed and planted her fists on her hips. “We’re just trying to have some fun. What is wrong with you meatheads?!?”

“Moose, Ox, you haven’t been formally introduced,” grinned Drew. “Moose, Ox, this is Jenny. Good friend of mine. Jenny, Moose and Ox.” Payback sucks, eh boys? He flashed Jenny a thumbs-up. Jenny grinned and returned her own emphatic thumbs-up. Oh, brother, he thought.

The kids on the field and the benches started cheering for Jenny again. Everybody had been tormented or intimidated by Moose and Ox at one time or another, and nobody was sad to see them on the receiving end of a beating.

Drew couldn’t help but feel a little satisfaction in a plan well executed. He’d come to school that day fully expecting to get his regular Monday lunchtime beat-down. But when he’d met the robot girl in the hallway earlier, and she’d believed that he was actually an android Yeesh! What a dufus! he’d smelled a sucker ripe for the picking. He wasn’t interested in winning her friendship. He was interested in recruiting her fists. And it had all worked better than he could have hoped for. With a little luck, Moose and Ox would steer clear of him from now on. Heck, they should have no trouble finding another “project”, Drew figured. Just so long as it wasn’t him.

Miguel was eager to get the ball game back on. “All right, all right. Show’s over. Switch up!”

Drew rubbed the back of his head, and grabbed his hat and glove. Jenny simply extended and unfolded her left hand until it was the size of a baseball glove. Her pigtails rotated forward, flattened horizontally, and spread out to form a makeshift sun visor. “What position should I play?” she asked eagerly.

“Hmmm?” mumbled Drew. “Wherever. Right field.” He gestured vaguely in that direction. As far as he was concerned, the robot girl had served her purpose.

The robot wasp made its way though the trees outside the high school, towards the ball park. Dozens of human males and females were mingling about and engaging in recreational activity. None of them were of any interest, however. The wasp was searching for one very special student. It circled around in a seemingly random pattern, eventually making its way towards the dirt infield, where a greater concentration of students were moving about. Then the wasp’s sensors picked up its primary target. It settled on top of the backstop, behind home plate, and trained its cameras on a six-and-a-half foot tall teenage robot girl.

Moose and Ox staggered back to their feet; Moose cradling his stomach, Ox holding his head. Ox glared back towards the ball field with a mixture of hate and bruised pride. He reached down and grabbed one of the baseballs that had been lying on the ground beside them. Ox fired the ball at Drew’s back.

“Don’t forget your ball, Android!”

The baseball caught Drew in the back of his right knee while he jogged out to first base. He spun to the ground awkwardly and

SNAP!

Moose and Ox cackled, and moaned, and staggered off back towards the school building.

Drew reached down and felt around his knee. I hope that wasn’t what I thought it was. He got back to his feet and tested his right leg.

“Oh, crap.” Not here. Not now.

“You all right, Drew?” called Jenny from the outfield, concerned for her new “friend”.

“Not really,” he mumbled, with disgust in his voice. “Somebody take first base!”

Drew gingerly hopped on his left leg back to his team’s bench. He rummaged through his backpack for a small black case, and set it on the bench beside him. Most of the others kids paid no attention, and the game continued. Jenny, however, came in from the outfield and sat down next to him with a soft clank.

Drew sighed, and felt around his jeans, just above his right knee.

Snap. Twist. Pop. Drew twisted his right leg a quarter-turn, and slid it gently out of his pant leg.

“OK! There she is!” Big Fellow pointed at the monitors on the wall of the Cluster ship. “She appears to be assisting that damaged sports droid. We need to get closer.”

“Why are you whispering?” sneered Little Guy.

“Because I don’t want them to hear us ” He slapped his metal claw to his head. “Just get closer.”

Little Guy grabbed his remote control with his six arms, and began working controls with his twenty-four fingers. Twenty thousand miles below, the robot wasp leapt into the air and drifted down towards its target.

Between the two ball teams, and a group of sophomores hanging out with a boom-box behind the backstop, there were around thirty students on the ball field. Most of them were staring and gesturing towards the right-field bench, empty except for Jenny, and Drew, whose held his detached right leg in his hands.

A small smile spread on Jenny’s face. She’d wondered a bit about Drew’s claim of being an android. He didn’t seem like one, even though everybody called him one. Well, she was staring at the proof right now. She was not the only robot at school!

“What’s the problem?” she asked helpfully, eager to help out a fellow “robot” in distress. “Simple malfunction? Or equipment failure? What do your diagnostics say?”

Drew laid his leg on his lap, and turned it over, inspecting it. “The ‘diagnostic’,” he growled, “says that this miserable thing is a piece of junk.” He really, really hated taking this thing off in public.

A few kids were still staring at Drew and his detached leg, even while the game continued. To Drew, every pair of eyes felt like a pair of floodlights.

“Hey, Drew,” Miguel yelled from the on-deck circle, “maybe you can install some talent in that thing while you’re at it!”

“Forget the leg,” another boy yelled, “take your head off and get it fixed!”

A dozen kids broke into laughter, making Jenny furious. Drew just kept his head down, brooding, and focusing on the knee joint.

“Is there anything I can do?” asked Jenny.

“No, there isn’t,” hissed Drew.

He popped a protective cover off of the knee joint. “Something’s loose in there – man, when’s the last time I cleaned this?” He rapped the mechanical leg against the wooden bench, and dust and gravel fell out onto the ground. Just like me in geometry class this morning, thought Jenny, smiling broadly. Drew didn’t notice her reaction. He opened his small black case and pulled out a screwdriver, then started feeling around inside the leg’s knee joint.

“Hang on a second, Drew,” said Jenny. “I might be able to help. Let me check my roadside assistance kit.” She raised her arms, and a series of small trays snapped out of her torso, containing nuts, bolts, and assorted spare parts. The fingertips on her right hand popped open to reveal wrenches and screwdrivers. “I’ve got standard, metric, Phillips, star head, slot head “

Drew snapped upright. “Will you just BACK OFF?!?!” he shouted.

“There! There!” Big Fellow pointed at the monitors on the wall of the Cluster ship. “We can directly access her central core! This is perfect. XJ-9 is stationary and distracted.”

“I can see, thank you very much,” sneered Little Guy. “I do have six eyes.”

“Well hurry it up then! “

The robot wasp landed delicately on the end of the long, wooden bench and started crawling towards XJ-9.

Jenny was shocked, and a little hurt. “What’s wrong?!?!”

“What’s wrong?” snarled Drew. “My tinker toy leg is lying on my lap, is what’s wrong.”

Jenny couldn’t understand why Drew was so mad. The leg didn’t look to be seriously damaged. Androids had to perform self repair all the time, right? In the run of a week, Jenny, or her Mom, had to perform lots of little repairs. Battles, disasters, and explosions took their toll on a girl after a while.

“There doesn’t seem to be any structural damage,” said Jenny. “I’m sure we can fix it.”

“Arghhh!” Drew growled. “I can do this myself! Get back in the outfield.”

Jenny finally grew tired of the attitude. “Drew, I don’t understand. What is your problem?”

Drew gritted his teeth. Angry, bitter, and self-conscious, he hit his boiling point. He turned and shouted at Jenny’s face. “Problem?!? How stupid are you?!? My problem is that I just wanted to mellow out and play some stinkin’ pick-up baseball. I just wanted one lousy hour to enjoy being outside without getting harassed. I just wanted to go one hour without hearing the name ‘Android’. But that was just too much to ask for, wasn’t it?!?! Instead I’m a carnival sideshow. Everyone come have a look! That’s my problem. I’m a metallic freak job. Can you understand that? No! Of course not! How can you possibly understand what that’s “

He stopped in mid-rant.

Jenny’s shoulders slumped; she shrunk back, with a pained expression on her face. Her blue pigtails drooped slightly, with a soft whir.

Drew’s face went pale.

Oh my gosh.

Of course she understands.

“I I’m sorry.” Drew barely heard himself speak. “I I didn’t think “

He didn’t have enough air in his throat to finish the sentence.

Drew fidgeted with his mechanical leg, not aware of what his fingers were doing. His head was spinning at the idiocy of what he’d just said. Of all the students in this school, she’s the only other one who would understand what it feels like to be completely different from everybody else. As if that wasn’t enough, another thought occurred to him. At least when my leg is on and hidden, I blend in with the normal students. She’ll never have that luxury.

“Forget about it,” smiled Jenny. “I sort of remember giving this speech earlier today.”

Drew gulped hard. He felt about three inches high.

“Uh umm, J-Jenny? I uh I could use a little light, right here.” He gestured weakly to the exposed knee joint of his leg.

“No problem.” The screwdriver retracted from her index finger, and was replaced by a thin bright flashlight. They cleared a space between them to work on the repair. And they started to talk.

The robot wasp clung sideways to the edge of the bench, hiding out of sight, then continued crawling towards XJ-9 and her companion. They seemed preoccupied with the repair of some sort of mechanical appendage.

“Hmmm. It appears that XJ-9 has found at least one other robot to associate with on this primitive planet.” Big Fellow studied the pictures coming back from the robot wasp’s eyes. “Not much of a robot, really. Looks just like a human. Tall, thin, yellow cranial fur. Butt-ugly. A robot that is as weak and ugly as a human. I mean, what’s the point?”

Little guy was concentrating completely on his remote control. “Never mind that one. You’re the commander. Make with the commanding already!”

The robot wasp crawled underneath the bench, upside-down, and came up between XJ-9 and the broken android. A maze of screw and bolts littered the surface of the bench, and neither of the figures looming in the wasp’s vision noticed its presence. The steel-gray and pale-blue robot girl had several trays extended from either side of her torso chassis.

“Wait for it ” Big Fellow scratched his chin. “Now!”

The wasp leapt into the air and dropped down into the lowest of XJ-9’s retractable trays, landing among scattered spare parts and screws.

“Done and done,” announced Little Guy. He set down his controller and wiped his six hands against each other. “The wasp now goes into automatic mode. When its environment is secure, it will release the nano-probes.”

“Victory for the Cluster!” shouted the Big Fellow, punching the air with his mammoth upper arms. “Now the fun begins! Quake with fear, puny humans! Tremble before your Cluster masters!”

Little Guy scratched the top of his giant head. “What are you talking about?”

“Uh you know. Crush! Kill. Destroy?”

“Whoa, hold on to your hard drive, there, Mister crush-kill-destroy. It takes a little time for the nano-probes to multiply.”

Big Fellow blinked a few times and tapped his metallic thorax with a massive claw. “Uh multiply what?”

Little Guy hopped out of his chair and onto his single wheeled leg. He rolled over and stood in front of the large red insectoid, who towered five feet taller. Scowling, he planted his six arms on the side of his chassis. “You didn’t read the memo, did you?”

Big Fellow crossed his arms. “I am a Cluster Warrior Commander! I do not have time to read everything that crosses my desk.” He frowned. “And I get a lot of spam.”

“All right,” sighed Little Guy. “Once XJ-9 retracts her equipment bays, the wasp will secure itself to her internal framework and analyze her subsystems. Tonight, when she enters sleep mode, the wasp will release the nano-probes.”

He pressed a button on a wall screen, which showed a diagram of the nano-probe, a bizarre little structure that looked more like a piece of modern sculpture than a machine. It was the cutting edge of Cluster technology. “Ah, my precious little nano-probes. It’s so cute, oh, it’s a cutie!”

Big Fellow wasn’t impressed. “Well, what is that tiny little thing supposed to do? It’s smaller than a grain of dust.”

“Much smaller,” continued Little Guy. “One little nano-probe can do a little. One billion can do a lot. Tonight, the nano-probes will spread into XJ-9’s internal systems and use them as raw materials. They will make trillions and trillions of copies of themselves. They have artificial intelligence to adapt to their surroundings. When the nano-probes have fully integrated themselves into her, we shall activate the remote control in the wasp. And then …”

Big Fellow smiled. “Crush! Kill! Destroy! And, maybe enslave the human race.”

Drew had finally found the problem with his leg. “Nuts. One of the main screws actually broke off and it got jammed right there. These are expensive, too.” He dug at it with a small tool. “So he actually made you take off your arm in front of the whole class? Snitzenburg is such a jerk!”

“Well, he probably wasn’t trying to humiliate me,” said Jenny, rubbing her right shoulder. “But like I need another reason for people to freak at me! I mean, I get so tired of that!”

“Tell me about it. Last Christmas, we flew to Tampa to visit my grandmother.” Drew got into the story, gesturing with his hands. “I set off the metal detector. Three times. They made me take off the leg and send it through the X-ray machine. Half the airport was staring at me.”

“Remember that cruise ship from three weeks ago?” asked Jenny. Drew nodded. “I was cleaning salt water out of my insides for three days. Ackkk. I had to get all new electroplating.”

“Ouch. I haven’t been to the beach in years. Salt water and sand.” Drew shook his head. “Oh, oh, – this one time, some clown in Physics class stuck a big horseshoe magnet on the back of my leg.”

Jenny rolled her eyes. “Don’t get me started on magnets.”

They shared a laugh, over something that only they could understand.

Something strange was happening. An hour ago, Drew had thought of Jenny as a nave fool who had fallen victim to his ingenious con. But as they talked, Drew was amazed by how much he and Jenny had in common, how many of Jenny’s problems were familiar to him. The treatment by the rest of the kids. The annoying little things they had to put up with every day. And the crushing lonely feeling that there was nobody else in the school who could possibly understand what it was like to be them. Drew’s conscience felt like a knife stuck in his gut. And his guilt was giving that knife a twist.

With a sharp crack, Drew worked the broken screw free, and it fell off onto the bench in two pieces. “Well, there’s the problem.”

“So do you have any spares?” asked Jenny.

Drew quickly checked his tool case. “Nope. Well, the leg works fine with one screw missing; it just means I have to take it easy and sit out the rest of the game.”

“Well, I must have one of these somewhere …” Jenny examined the broken screw. She couldn’t find a spare, but knew she’d seen it before “oh, that’s right! ” Her left leg cracked open, and a bunch of metal tubes and panels unfolded into a fantastic-looking, five-foot long cannon. She removed a single screw from the barrel with a power drill in her pinkie finger. The cannon immediately collapsed back into its compact form, and her leg returned to normal. She held it out to Drew. “This should work. Try it!”

Drew was a little stunned. “Um, don’t you, like need that?!?”

“I think I can make it through English and Chemistry with only one plasma cannon,” she grinned. “I’ll just get a new one from my Mom at home tonight.”

“Well thanks, Jenny.” He tried the new screw in his knee joint. “It’s a perfect fit. Man, that’s great! One last touch.” Reaching into his backpack, he pulled out a small can of lubricant labeled “WZ-40”. He sprayed his knee joint and flexed his leg to test it. “Hey, that’s a lot better. Nice and smooth.”

He noticed that Jenny was rubbing her right shoulder again. “Is that still bothering you from this morning?”

“Hmmm? Oh, it’s nothing serious. It is a little irritating, though.”

Drew gestured to the can of WZ-40 in his hand. “It’s good for what ails you.”

Jenny smiled and grabbed her right arm. A few whirs and clicks later, it disconnected and popped off into her lap. Drew sprayed her shoulder socket with the lubricant. She giggled. “Ooooooh. It’s cold! Oh, that feels good.” She snapped her arm back into place, and moved it around a bit. Nothing but the smooth sound of her servo motors. “Sweet!”

While she flexed her arm, Drew rolled up his pant leg and re-attached his leg. He had to work it a bit, but it eventually locked into place. Drew cautiously stood up and took a few practice steps. “Good as new,” he said. He lightly bounced up and down, testing the shock absorbers. “Better than new.”

Drew looked back up at Jenny. “Jenny, thanks thanks a lot. I mean it.”

“Hey,” she beamed cheerfully, “we androids have to look out for each other, right?”

“Heh yeah yeah, right.” Ugh. He felt like he’d been punched in the stomach.

“C’mon, let’s get back in the game,” said Jenny. There were assorted screws and bolts lying on the wooden bench. Drew helped Jenny collect them and put them back into Jenny’s various retractable trays.

Drew slapped his forehead. “Oh, wow, I am so stupid.” The hard plastic cover for his knee joint was sitting upside-down in one of Jenny’s parts trays. Inside the cover, out of sight, sat a small metal object.

A robotic wasp.

Drew grabbed the plastic cover, reached up his pant leg, and popped it into place on his knee joint. “Man, I’d have felt silly if I forgot that.”

Continued in Chapter Three