My Life As A Teenage Robot Porn Story: Some Like It Bot – Chapter 4

Some Like It Bot

A My Life as a
Teenage Robot Fanfic

Chapter Four Scenes
From A Mall

The Tremorton Mall was filled with people buzzing away on
both levels, as was usual for a Saturday afternoon, but wasnt crowded enough
to be uncomfortable.P While the serious
shoppers powered their way through the stores, others simply relaxed at the
food court in the middle of the mall, wasting the afternoon as creatively as
they could.

Thats the situation Brad found himself in, after blowing
thirty dollars in quarters at the arcade.P
He had planned to kill an hour or two, hanging with friends from school,
and flirting with the ladies.P That had
proven to be a little difficult with his little brother tagging along, though;
Tuck could be pretty demanding on his time when he wanted to be.

Brad sighed, as Tuck stared him down from over their
table.P All right, here are the rules,
said Brad.P The French fry may only be
touched with the straw.P Once its off
the table, it must be dropped in the cup.P
First one to drop a fry loses.

Its go time! shouted Tuck.P The brothers started sucking on their soda straws, moving
leftover fries from their greasy trays into their soda cups.P Tucks facial expression was so hilarious
that Brad almost spit his straw out of this mouth, but he hung on, and Tuck
only managed to drop in three fries before his little lungs gave out.

Tucks blue cheeks gasped for air.P Aw, nuts!

Brad eased his hands behind his head.P And, thats about the most excitement
Ive had today.P Yahoo.P Congratulations, you have just won the
chance to be Busboy For A Day.P If
youll do the honors?

Tuck cleared the wrappers and trash off the table and walked
over towards the trash bins.P Mister
breath control thinks hes such a hot shot, he muttered to himself.

Tuck emptied off the tray, and then bumped into a large,
hulking man in a drab, pinstripe suit.P
Whoops.P Sorry about that,
mister.

Duh, thats all right, little boy.P Say, can I ask youse a question?

Uh I guess so.P
Tuck was a little distracted by the wriggling burlap sack that the big
man had slung over his shoulder.

Do youse know where there might be a hair salon in dis
mall?

Tuck gestured to his left.P
Well … my mom takes me to the Kwicky Kuts down at that end.

The big fellow tipped his hat, and joined four other
depressed men carrying burlap sacks.P
They ran off in the direction that Tuck pointed to.

The little guy shrugged to himself.P Well, that was kinda strange.P Oh well time for dessert!

Tuck ran back to his big brother, who was slouched back in
his chair, bored senseless.P He climbed
up on his chair and started bouncing up and down.P All right, lets get cinnamon rolls!P The kind with the gooey, sticky icing that makes you sick to your
stomach!

Brad glanced up at Tuck through half-closed eyes.P I already bought you ice cream.P And cookie dough.P And half a pound of mint ripple fudge!P I think youve had too much sugar for one afternoon.P Youre going to vibrate out of your skin, or
start hallucinating, or something.

There is no such thing as too much sugar.P Cmon, Brad, for an extra fifty cents they
give you double icing!

For Petes sake here, just go buy your own.P Brad handed his little brother a few
dollars.

Pleasure doing business with you, grinned Tuck, clutching
the money in his little hands.P He
sprinted off to the Cinna-Mania counter and ordered the biggest, sweetest,
stickiest cinnamon roll on the menu, bouncing up and down in anticipation.P But while he was waiting, he heard an odd
whining, grinding noise coming from behind him.

Something bumped into him.P
When he turned to look, he was surprised to see that it wasnt a
person.P It was a strange machine,
olive-green in color, about four feet tall.P
It looked like a robot, but it had a clear plastic dome on top,
slightly cracked, and inside the dome was a rat, sitting in a chair,
working a control panel.P Both the robot
and the rat looked like theyd just been hit by a bus.

The rat looked down, saw Tuck staring at him, and
spoke.P Vhat are you lookink at,
annoyink child?!?P Then it turned away,
and the robot hobbled off towards one end of the mall, drawing perplexed stares
as it went.

Tuck blinked a few times, then took his cinnamon roll from
the counter lady.P Maybe I have
had too much sugar for one afternoon.P
He thought about that for a few seconds.P Nah, thats crazy talk.

Licking the icing off his fingers, Tuck made his way back to
the table and sat down.P Hey, Brad
have you seen anything strange go by here in the past couple of
minutes?

Brad chuckled at his little brother.P Be a little more specific, junior.P You have a pretty broad definition of the
word strange.

Okay, smart guy, how about five mopey men in suits carrying
wiggling sacks around the mall? Tuck huffed.P
Or a robot with a mouse in a cockpit, driving it around, bumping into
helpless little kids?

Brad shook his head in frustration.P See, this is why I told you not to
put the en fuego sauce on those tacos.P
Now youre going to have nightmares tonight, and youll scream that
theres moon spiders in your bed, or zombie cows outside the window.P And Dadll blame me!P Wiggling sacks and robots pffft.P The only robot we know is doing hard
time back in her bedroom.

Uh it looks like shes out on parole.P Tuck pointed behind Brads back.

Sure enough, Jenny was running through the mall in their
direction.P She was looking left and
right as she ran, like she was frantically looking for somebody.P And she almost seemed to be a little
nervous.P Brad was surprised, and happy,
to see that shed gotten out for the afternoon.

Hey, Jen!P Over
here! he shouted.

AAIIIGGHHH!!!P
Jenny jumped like shed been hit with a downed power line.P Brad Tuck its just you.P Phew.P Thank goodness.

Okay, she seemed to be a lot nervous.P Well, its great to see you too, Brad
said, a little hurt, and a little confused.

Im sorry, guys, I didnt mean anything.P You just startled me.

Your mom let you out of the house! blurted Tuck, still
fueled with sugar.P Thats great!P You wanna come with me to the comic book
store?P Or play a round of mini
golf?P Cmon, Jenny!!!

She waved her arms furiously.P Shhhhh!!!P Not so
loud!!!P Why dont you just tell the
whole world where I am?

A small smile grew on Brads face.P Ahhhh Tuck, it appears that our friend here is not out
on parole.P Its more like a jailbreak.P Way to go, Jen! he laughed.

No, no, thats not why Im hmmm okay, that is
why Im here, kind of.P Jenny clasped
her hands, pleading.P Guys, please, please,
pretend like you didnt see me here today!

Cmon, Jen, said Brad, wed never rat on you.

Jenny was almost frantic.P
Im still supposed to be grounded!P Oh If Mom ever found out Ive been out of the house

Found out?P All she
has to do is go upstairs and look in your bedroom, said Tuck.

Ive got that angle covered, said Jenny, but if she sees
something on TV, Im dead.

Why would she see you on television?P That didnt make any sense to Brad.

The Lonely Hearts Club Gang, Jenny explained excitedly,
hands flailing.P At the concert!P See, they were there, and I was there, and
the show was on, and it totally rocked, and then big finish, and Boom!, and
they grabbed them, and then the cameras, and they got away, and I chased them,
and now theyre here, and Ive got to find them before it turns into a big
stink on the evening news and I get busted!

Tuck scratched his head.P
Are they five droopy-looking guys in suits?P Each carrying a sack of ferrets or something?

Jenny grabbed Tuck and lifted him up to her face.P Thats them!!! Tuck, you saw
them?!?

Yeah, one of them said they were looking for a hair salon,
and I sent them to Kwicky Kuts.

Jenny slapped her hands to the sides of her head, dropping
Tuck to the floor.P Hair salon?!?P What are they gonna do there?!?P Oh, wow Ive gotta go!!!

And before Brad or Tuck could utter another syllable, a set
of wheels deployed from Jennys feet.P
They spun up a cloud of smoke, and she sped off, leaving a trail of
exhaust, paper wrappers, and flattened shoppers in her wake.

Brad jumped up out of his seat.P Finally!P A little
excitement!P I have absolutely no idea
whats actually going on, but Im betting it beats watching you stuff yourself
with curly fries.P Lets go check it
out!

Tuck rubbed his sore read end.P Ouch.P I tried to
tell you.P You know, nobody ever listens
to me.

Apparently gangsters listen to you.P Whats the big idea helping out a bunch of
guys that Jennys trying to catch?

Well, I didnt know they were gangsters! protested
Tuck.P And besides, whats so wrong
about going for a haircut, anyway?

Brad tapped his chin.P
Hmmm thats actually a pretty good question.P Jenny was talking so fast that I didnt
understand half of what she said.P
Something about the concert, and boom, and stinking on the news.P Wow, sounds like it was one heck of a
concert!P Lets go find her.

But Tuck didnt budge.P
In fact, the little fellows jaw almost dropped to his knees.

He pointed towards the food court mall entrance.P W-w-why dont we just wait?P She should be here in about ten seconds.

Tuck, we just watched her take off like a drag racer.

Y-yeah, thats what I thought too.

Wha – ? Brad turned to see what Tuck was looking at and thats
impossible.

Jenny staggered into the food court from the north entrance,
looking right and left as she walked, as if she was still searching for
something.P And she wasnt looking so
hot herself all of the sudden.P She had
a few dents and scrapes on her legs and body, and one pigtail seemed a bit
crooked.P How did she get so banged
up?P And how did she get outside that
fast?

Curiouser and curiouser, wondered Brad.P Cmon, short stuff.

The brothers made their way through the food court crowd,
over to where Jenny was standing.P She
seemed to be scanning the area, while resting against a handrail.P Shed gotten awfully tired all of the
sudden.

Uh you take a wrong turn there, Jen? asked Brad.

Jenny spun around, and nearly jumped out of her metal
skin.P BRAD?!?P TUCK?!?P
She was speechless for a few seconds.P
Hi, she managed to weakly stammer out.P Her eyes were shifting left and right like a
cornered animal, and she tried to force a smile a very unconvincing one.

Brads brain was really spinning now.P What the heck is the deal here?

Did you find the gangsters? asked Tuck.

Jenny blinked a few times.P
Gangsters?P What gangsters?

Tuck tossed his arms up.P
What do you mean, what gangsters?P
The ones you just told us you were looking for!P Are you feeling all right?

Yeah, you okay, Jen? asked Brad.P I mean, look at you.P You
look like you just fell off a building or something!

Heh-heh or as if Ive just plummeted hundreds of feet and
crashed into a parking lot.P Guys, I
really have to go.

Something clicked, and a small smile started to form on
Brads face.P But Jenny, were your
friends.P Were just concerned about
your health.

No, Im fine, guys, really.P Its nothing that wont buff right out.P I really have to go now.

No, Jenny we insist.P You look like you could use a rest.P Brad gestured towards an empty table.

Jenny grew more nervous.P
Really, really have to keep going here

Brad smiled wickedly.P
But some of those scrapes on your legs look pretty bad, Jenny.P You can see all the way through to the silver-green
undercoating.P Tsk, tsk.P I see London, I see France

Jenny gulped, hard.P
Its ah something new that Mom made up this morning?

Brad clasped his hands behind his back, and rocked on his
heels.P Why arent the motors in your
legs and arms making any noise when you move? he grinned.

Jennys shoulders slumped and she sighed, heavily.P All right, sit down.P Tuck, if you stand beside me, then nobody
should be able to see under the table.P
Make believe like you dropped something.

Tuck peeked under the table at Jennys leg housings.P To his surprise, their surface, and her
hips, started to shimmer a bit, like metallic jello.P They briefly turned a silvery color, just long enough to smooth
out the dents and scrapes, and then they returned to their normal pale blue.

Wow, Jenny, said Tuck, thats really cool!P I mean, Ive seen Drew do that before, but I
didnt know that you could do it too!

Brad chuckled, and patted Tuck on the head.P Folks, lets just wait for a bit here,
while young Tucker catches up with the rest of the group.P Jenny just buried her head in her
hands.P She looked like she was going to
die of embarrassment, for some reason

Tuck gasped, and started laughing.P No way!P No way!P DREW?!?P
Bwaahahaha!!!!

Drew rocked his head back and forth in misery.P Shhhhhh!!!P
Guys, youre killing me!P
And I really do have to run!

So whats the big rush? laughed Brad.P Big shoe sale?P Getting a facial?P
Shopping for nail polish?P Not
that theres anything wrong with that

Tuck fought for breath.P
You know, Drew, Jennys down at the Kwicky Kuts.P Maybe you could get together with her and
try out some new hairdos!

Oh, for the love of Drews eyes shot wide.P Wait a minute.P Jenny is here?!?P
In the mall?!?

Brad wiped a tear from his eye.P Yeah yeah, shes chasing some gangsters or something.

Cripes, I cant let her see me here!P Im supposed to be at her house!P Drew held out his hands, pleading.P Guys, nobody else can know about this.P Nobody.P Look, guys, give me a break here.P Its a long story that I dont have time for right now, but Im
just trying to do Jenny a favor.P Im begging
you!

Okay, okay oh, this is just too weird.P Brad was finally calming down.P How did you get so mangled?P I mean, seriously, are you all right?

Drew rolled his eyes.P
One of Dr. Wakemans lab rats went postal and built some kind of robot
battle suit.P Its been beating the tar
out of me all afternoon.

HA!P Tuck pointed a
finger into Brads face.P
Hallucinating, was I?P I told
you I saw a robot with a mouse inside!

Tuck!P Youve seen
it?!?

A few minutes ago.P
It wobbled off in that direction, Tuck gestured.

Drew rose up from the table, and tried to straighten out his
pigtails.P Guys, Ive got to track down
a homicidal Sputnik-bot.P And I dont
know how the heck Im supposed to find it.

Brad and Tuck suddenly started squirming, as if they were
about to explode with laughter.

Dont worry, Jenny, panted a nasal voice from behind
Drew.P That shouldnt be a
problem!P All we have to do is use my
trusty pocket spectrometer.

Drew just slammed his head into his hands.P Oh, God.P Sheldon, I thought I told you to wait outside.

Sheldon had just run in from the parking lot, and was trying
to smooth out his hair and catch his breath.P
Oh, I know youre just trying to protect me, Jenny.P Just like you bravely shielded me from that
horrific fall with your own body.P
Blush.P Chuckle.P Snort.P But I could never leave you in your hour of need!P Were a team!

Brad was biting his lower lip.P Tucks face was passing red, and approaching purple.

Drew just stared into the distance, too stunned to blink,
while Sheldon continued.P Now, as I was
saying, my pocket spectrometer can pick up traces of all sorts of
chemicals.P That robot was leaking motor
oil when it ran into the mall, so well just set it for motor oil and
voila!P Sheldon held up a small
wand-like device in his hand.P This
way, my lady fair!

After a few seconds of cringing, and eye twitches, Drew just
gave up.P Lead on, Sheldon.

Sheldon and Jenny headed off into the mall, following the
trail of motor oil from Vladimirs robot.P
Once they were out of earshot, Brad and Tuck didnt stop laughing for
five minutes.

Jenny raced down the escalator, hoping to get to the Back
Sync Boys, and her beloved Logan, before the Lonely Hearts Club Gang could do
whatever it was they were planning to do.P She was already drawing too much attention to herself from
passers-by thats the story of my life but she had to risk it.P Excuse me.P
Pardon me!P Excuse me.P She wriggled past annoyed shoppers and
finally got to the malls lower level.P
According to the directory, Kwicky Kuts was over by some new electronics
store that just opened up.

Okay, things are still under control, she thought to
herself as she ran towards the hair salon.P
Theyre still under control!P
The Lonely Hearts are more of a nuisance than anything else.P I mean, its not like they could ever hurt
me.P Ill just zip in, kick a little
depressed gangster butt, free the Back Sync Boys, accept their gratitude
she giggled at that thought and nobody will be the wiser.P Everything is completely under control.

Kwicky Kuts was just up ahead.P Why on Earth would the Lonely Hearts kidnap four pop band
members only to take them to a discount haircut shop?P To give them bad haircuts?P
Well, maybe it was just that simple; the Lonely Hearts werent the
swiftest operators in town, not by a long shot.P Maybe they were going to give them cow licks, or shave off their
goatees.

Jenny barreled around a corner

And realized that she was about to run over an old lady who
had just walked out of an electronics store called Circuit Suburb.P She put on the brakes, and screeched to a
stop two feet from the old ladys back.

A lady in a yellow lab coat.P With long, disheveled white hair.

Jenny froze in absolute terror.P M-Mom?!?

She didnt budge a servo and couldnt even if she wanted
to.P What is she doing here?!?P Shes supposed to be at home!P Did she hear me?P If she turns around, Im dead meat!!!P What do I do?!?P What do I
do?!?

There was a fake palm tree surrounded by benches just a few
feet away.P It was the only thing she
could think of.P Jenny dove behind the
tree just as her mother turned around.

Mrs. Wakeman set a shopping bag down on the floor and
moaned.

Oh, the bunions are acting up today.P Now I remember why I hate coming to this
madhouse!P I need to sit down for a
minute.

Jenny peeked around the palm tree in even more
absolute terror.P Her mother had just
taken a seat on a mall bench almost directly in front of Kwicky Kuts!P There was no way she could possibly get in
there without her mom seeing her.

Jenny was trying to stay calm.P She wasnt doing a very good job of it.P Cmon, cmon, you hate the mall, Mom the parking lot is that
way cmon

Her mother took a pair of boxes labeled Micro-fusion
Regulator 8000 out of her shopping bag and opened one up.P Shes
going to look at those things now?!?P
Augh, give me a break!!!P Jenny converted one of pigtails into a
parabolic dish microphone, as quietly as she could, and pointed it towards
Kwicky Kuts.P Sure enough, she could
hear a commotion going on in the back, and voices that sounded like the Lonely
Hearts Club Gang.P Im fifty feet away from them and I cant
budge an inch!

PSheldon, are you
sure that thing really works? asked Drew.

Shoppers on the upper level had to dodge out of their way,
because Sheldon was too completely focused on his pocket do-hickey-whatever to
watch where he was walking.P Okay, I
realize youre probably a little skeptical after the whole
crashing-the-jet-pack into a delivery truck thing.P He chuckled.P At least it
was delivering a shipment of cotton balls, right?P But rest assured, Jenny, well search until we find that little
maze-running megalomaniac!

Drew slapped his forehead. PNice dialog.P
Augh.P All right, less talky
more searchy, okay?

Suddenly the gizmo in Sheldons hands started beeping
furiously.P They looked up, and there
was Vladimirs robot, staggering along only a few dozen yards ahead of them.

Its him!P Sheldon, consider
this an apology, whispered Drew.P As
soon as we sneak up and grab this little pest, we can get back home, stick him
in his exercise wheel, and de-stress for the rest of the day.

Freeze right there, you rodent revolutionary! shouted
Sheldon, striking a defiant pose.

Drew fought the urge to strangle him.P Its a little thing called element of
surprise.P Look it up!

Vladimir turned around to see his pursuers.P So!P
Vakemans thug and her odd little companion survive!P Vell, I have not made it this far only to be
denied, when my triumph is within my reach!

Look, what are you babbling about?!?P Drew planted his hands on his hips.P I cant believe I just did that.P Youre nowhere near the water supply, so
whatever you were going to do there is a bust.P
Your robot suit is just about ready to fall apart which Id be more
than happy to help with, by the way.P
Drew pounded a fist into his hand.P
Give up now, and you can be lying on a fresh pile of wood chips sipping
from your water bottle in half an hour.

You think you can bribe me with creature comforts, vhen I
am destined to rule?!?P You insult me,
robot!P Vladimir grew angry.P Is true, I may not have townsfolk at my
command.P But are plenty of potential
mind-control drones inside of hideous shopping complex!P Glorious irony, that my revolution shall
begin in corrupt temple of decadent capitalism!

All right, grumbled Drew.P
You want hard way, you got hard way.P
Ive got a lot of frustration to work out of my system today, Mickey.

Drew took off in a sprint for Vladimir, who was now pushing
his robot as hard as he could, shaking and belching oily puffs of smoke into
the air.P Vladimir scrambled around a
corner.P A few steps behind, Drew
excuse-med his way around a cluster of window shoppers, eager to end this
little outing as quickly as possible.P
He turned the corner

And Vladimirs robot was standing still, in front of a
mattress store, leaning on the handrail, overlooking the ground floor
below.P Drew could see a huge, evil grin
on the little rats face.P What was
he looking at?

He glanced over the railing, and felt like he was going to
have a stroke.P On a bench, in front of
some kind of barber shop next to the Circuit Suburb, Dr. Wakeman sat on a
bench, relaxing.P What the blazes is Doctor
Wakeman doing here?!?P And just
behind her, hiding behind a fake tree no, that just couldnt be Jenny.P Yes yes, it could.P Oh Lord, if she sees me here if she sees Sheldon
here if Sheldon sees her here oh, sweet Moses.

A small panel slid open on Vladimirs robot actually, the
door just popped off and clattered to the floor.P With a struggling whine, Drew saw the nose of a mini-missile poke
out of the robots chest cavity.

Mrs. Wakeman frowned as she inspected the boxes shed just
purchased.P Wouldnt you know it, these
are just the converters.P This is the
last time I buy generic!P I think I
needed the whole kits, that come with the flux-couplers included.P I wonder if I need to buy flux-couplers
P She tapped her chin, trying to remember
what she had lying around the laboratory.P
I would rather not foray back into that merchandise jungle, but oh, Id
hate to drive home only to turn around and come back here.

Jenny gritted her teeth from behind the palm tree.P For crying out loud, Mom, buy the stupid
flux-couplers and Get! Out! Of! Here!P
Ive got to get into that Kwicky Kuts!P
Ive got to stop the Lonely Hearts Club Gang!

Instead, Mrs. Wakeman snapped her fingers.P Of course!P
Ill just give XJ-9 a call and have her run down to the laboratory to
check for me.P Its probably not a bad
idea to check on her, anyway.P Shell
enjoy the chance to get out of her bedroom.P
Assuming shes still there, of course.P
That girl had better not be watching television in the living room!

Jenny stared, mortified, as her mother pulled a handheld
communicator out of her lab coat pocket.P
Living room?!?P Im standing
right behind you!!!P No, no, no, NO!!!

Mrs. Wakeman activated the communicator.P It telescoped in length, and unfolded into a
small video screen.

Jenny looked around frantically.P Shes going to know Im at the mall as soon as the screen
turns on!P Ive got to get out of
here!P But Im supposed to be in my
room!P What am I gonna do?!?

Her belly-bolt started to buzz.

She got a desperate idea. PUp on the second floor, she saw something called the Slumber-rific
Mattress Factory.P The entrance was
right next to that weird olive-green trash can with the plastic dome.P Risking the noise, she deployed her
pigtail-jets and blasted towards the stores entrance.

Drew ducked behind the railing, for what little hiding value
it provided.P Jenny leapt into the air,
practically flying straight towards him.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sheldon coming around
the corner of luggage store, trying to keep up with the excitement.

Vladimirs robot shifted slightly, taking careful aim at
Mrs. Wakeman below.P At least he was
going to have his revenge against his oppressor.

Drew felt like he was having a brain spasm.P There wasnt even time to think.

In one flurry of activity, Drew stretched his arms towards
Sheldon, grabbed his sweatshirt hood, and hauled it over his head, covering his
eyes.P Clutching him by the collar, Drew
hauled him off his feet and dove towards Vladimirs robot, sliding along the
floor.P He caught a glimpse of a pale
blue blur as Jenny sailed over his head and into the mattress store, for
whatever reason.P He didnt know if she
saw him or not, and didnt have time to worry about it now.

Drew and Sheldon plowed into the legs of Vladimirs robot,
slamming it onto its back.P With one arm
still holding onto Sheldons sweatshirt, and the other holding on to two of the
battle robots legs, he lunged wildly into the store next to the mattress shop,
which turned out to be a trendy clothing store.P The three of them landed violently against a rack of dresses,
knocking them over and startling half a dozen teenage girls.

Vladimirs robot sprawled onto the floor, with two of its
legs ripped off.P The rat slammed
against his control panel, hard, hitting a few buttons.

Drew Jenny lay stunned on a pile of cashmere sweaters
and watched the mini-missile pop out of Vladimirs robot with a pneumatic shoomp.P It almost seemed to flutter through the air,
in slow motion, like a falling leaf.P
Then it gently tumbled back down, bounced off a pile of clothing, and
rolled to a stop.P On Drews stomach.

And the little red light on its nose was beeping.

CONCLUDED in Chapter
Five