My Life As A Teenage Robot Porn Story: Diamonds Are a Robots Best Friend – Chapter 7

Diamonds Are a
Robots Best Friend

A My Life as a
Teenage Robot Fanfic

Chapter Seven
Nobody Does It Better

The Marquis Mansion was beyond anything that Brad had ever
seen before in his life.P It was a
palace.P The fountain out front had
been shipped over from France.P The
front yard was larger than a football field, and there was a private golf
course in the back.P The building
glistened with an ivory white, highlighted by gold trim atop its grand
columns.P Wealthy guests arrived at the
main entrance in exotic cars that Brad had only seen before on the pages of
auto magazines.P Somebody had told him
that the mansion contained over a hundred rooms; now that he was walking around
in it, that seemed like an underestimate.P

The hallways were covered in rich, decorative carpeting and
expensive oriental rugs.P Statues,
sculptures, and paintings lined the walls a collection that must have rivaled
any museum in the world.P Elegant
chandeliers hung from the high, arched ceilings.P And the upper crust of high society milled about, dressed in
expensive tuxedos and gowns, trying to look fashionably disinterested in the
evening.

Brad found it hard not to gawk at his surroundings, like a
tourist on his first visit to a big city.P
He had to fight to keep from grinning like an idiot as he strolled
around, wearing a white jacket, bow tie, and white gloves, pretending to be a
waiter.

Drew was looking like his old human self for the evening,
complete with waiters uniform.P He
nervously fidgeted with the arrangement of shrimp puffs on his serving
tray.P Well, weve been here almost an
hour, and so far, nothing.P I havent
even seen Jenny yet.P Are you
sure shes actually here?

Of course shes here! chuckled Brad.P I heard shes not even supposed to come out
until eight-thirty in about half an hour.P
Shell probably be in the main ballroom, where all the most expensive
displays are set up.P The only problem
is, only the full-time staff are allowed in that room.

Oh, well, thats just great, groaned Drew.P I spend an evening peddling stuffed oysters
to a bunch of old farts who look like the little guy on the Monopoly
box, and were not even going to see her.

Ill think of something, smiled Brad.P Hey, I got us into the mansion, didnt
I?P Havent I been right about
everything so far?P Just trust me!P All I have to do is get into the main
ballroom, and then I can snap a few photos with this little baby.P Brad reached into his pocket and pulled out
an ordinary-looking ball-point pen.

Drew snatched the pen from Brads hand and looked at the
barrel.P It read Secret Agent Johnny
Zoom Spy Cam.P Brad please,
please tell me you didnt bring a toy camera to spy on Jenny with.

Tuck uses this thing on me all the time, the little
sneak.P It takes great pictures!P I still need to get something for my
Career Week project.P And were not here
to spy on Jenny.P Were just here
to secretly watch her and see if anything strange happens P Brad glanced around and laughed.P Okay, okay yeah, were here to spy on
her.P Isnt it cool!?!P Get a load of this place!P Its like were at some foreign embassy, on
a mission to steal top secret microfilm for a nuclear submarine!

Drew gritted his teeth.P
Look, Im here for one reason.P
Youve got me convinced that this Marquis guy is tricking Jenny, and Im
here to watch out for her.P Other than
that, I dont want to cause trouble.P
And neither should you, Secret Agent Zoom.

Were not going to cause trouble.P Now, while I check out the main
ballroom, youre going to sneak around the rest of the mansion to look
for anything suspicious.

Drews eyes almost shot out of his head.P Sneak around?!?P Sure, why not?P Hey, tomorrow night, why dont we go on a panty raid at the White
House?P Brad, how am I supposed to just
sneak around in a place like this?!?

Now it was Brads turn to be sarcastic.P Gee, I dont know.P Youre a shape-shifting android who can
slide under doors, flow through keyholes, and make himself look like
anything.P You think that might
help?P Come on, Drew, use your
imagination!

How was it that Brad could say stuff like that, and make
it sound perfectly logical?P Yeah,
right now Im imagining myself with a prison record.P OK, Ill think of something.

Sweet!P Ill meet
you back here in an hour.P With that,
Brad carried his tray of imported cheese towards the north wing of the mansion,
where the main part of the show was taking place.P Drew took his tray of hors doeuvres and slumped off to one of
the drawing-rooms, wondering what in blazes he was even supposed to be looking
for.P He was beginning to wonder if
maybe Jenny had been right after all maybe Brads imagination was getting the
better of him.

Brad made his way towards the main ballroom, formulating a
plan in his head as he served appetizers.P
He would have to fool the door attendant into thinking that he was one
of the permanent staff at the mansion.P Im
going to have to make myself sound older, he thought.P I should probably use a phony name too.PP Ill just walk in with a group of other
servers, so he doesnt get suspicious.P
Yessir, its just a matter of coming up with the perfect plan.

But while coming up with the perfect plan, Brad nearly ran
over a middle-aged man in a fancy tuxedo.P
Oops!P Uh sorry about that,
sir, Brad apologized.

Quite alright, replied the man, in a flat, droning
voice.P Ooh!P Is that cheese?!?P May I
?

Brads tray was filled with nothing but cheese.P Uh sure.P
Help yourself, sir.

The thin man gleefully popped cheese into his mouth with
both hands.P Mmmm Brie, Camembert,
Roquefort oh, its all so wonderful!P
I do so love fine cheese!P Then
he stopped, with a concerned look on his face.P
Oh right, I just remembered.

What? asked Brad.

Im allergic to cheese.P
The mans cheeks grew a little puffy, and he clamped his hand over his
mouth.

I think theres a bathroom over here, sir!P Brad helped the little man down a side
hallway.P There were dozens of doors –
one of them had to be a guest bathroom.P
Brad guessed right on the third door, and helped the man inside.

Youre very helpful, young man.P Would you please hold my jacket for me while I eh tend to
business here?

Oh, for crying out loud Of course, sir.P Great, now Im a human coat rack for this
rich dweeb.P Brad brushed a few
cheese crumbs off of the tuxedo jacket.P
The lapels were soft silk, it looked very expensive and it looked just
about his size.

A small smile grew on Brads face.P He set down his tray, slipped off his white waiters jacket and
gloves, and slid on the tuxedo.P It was
a perfect fit.P With his black pants and
bow tie, Brad looked like just another guest at the show.P No way I could get away with this
heh-heh, oh, why not?!?

Brad casually strolled back towards the entrance to the main
ballroom, looking quite dashing in his black formal tux.P He felt something in the inside pocket.P It was a small white card, engraved with
fancy silver ink.P I wonder what this
is ?

The door attendant glanced at the card in his hand, then
nodded politely.P Thank you, sir, your
invitation is in order.P He waved Brad
inside.

Like I was saying, planning is highly overrated, Brad
smiled to himself.P He fussed with the
cuffs of his shirt, getting them just right, and then strolled into one of the
most amazing rooms hed ever seen in his life.

It was larger than his house, covered with an elaborate
green and gold carpet, and walls of carved mahogany panels.P The ceiling was covered with a copy of some
famous Renaissance painting he could never remember the names of those old
guys, but it looked amazing.P It
was like being in an old European castle.P
Wealthy and beautiful people strolled and mingled, clustered here and
there in small groups to admire the many jewelry displays in the room.

And what displays.P
There were dozens of pedestals topped with glass cases, filled with
enormous diamonds that must have been priceless.P He didnt see Jenny yet but there was a corner of the room with
a lot of activity buzzing around it, all in front of a purple velvet curtain,
and it seemed to be the focus of everyones attention.P Thats probably where shell be.P Until then might as well enjoy myself!

Brad rummaged in the other pockets of his tuxedo and found a
small red tile, like a domino, with the number 1000 on it.P I wonder what this is supposed to be?P He saw more dominoes on a green-felted
table towards the side of the room, and walked over to investigate

But somebody bumped into his arm, and his red tile sailed
out of his hand, bouncing on the table to land on a large red square.P Before Brad could protest, he heard a voice
say No more bets.

What the ?!?P
It was a roulette table.P The
number 1000 I just bet a thousand dollars at a roulette table!P Brad suddenly had a hard time breathing, but
the little ball came to a stop, and Red is a winner.

He couldnt believe it.P
I won!P I just won a thousand
bucks!P He was so excited that he
forgot to remove the chips.P The
attendant spun the wheel, and one nerve-racking minute later, the ball landed
on red again.P Brad now had four
thousand dollars.P He took a seat next
to the roulette wheel, removed his tiles then he grinned, and pushed them all
back onto the red square.

You like to take chances, dont you? laughed a silken
voice, rich with a French accent.P Brad
turned to see a stunning young woman in a red evening dress sit down next to
him.P Her long black hair flowed halfway
down her back, and she smiled playfully at him with deep, dark eyes.

This is now, officially, the coolest night of my
life.P Brad was totally losing
himself in the part.P Well, they do
make life more interesting, he said, in a deep, suave voice.

Red is a winner again, said the attendant, and a few
people applauded as Brad collected his eight thousand-dollar markers.P Brad left them on the table, and glanced at the
woman with a charming smile.P Red
always was my favorite color, Miss ?

LaRose.P Ruby
LaRose.P I hope it is also your luckiest,
mister ?

Brad, he smiled, arching an eyebrow.P James Brad.

On cue, the steel ball landed on red again.P More polite applause from around the
table.P Brad handed one of his markers
to Ruby.P It would appear that red is
my lucky color tonight.P I cant
believe I just said that with a straight face!P
I am in the zone.P I
assume you must be one of the models?

Ruby giggled.P Oh,
you are too kind!P No, but I do work for
Monsieur Marquis.P If you like, I can
show you some of the more interesting exhibits around the room, before the main
activities begin.

I cant think of anything Id enjoy more, he said, as
debonairly as possible.P Brad rose from
the table, and offered Ruby his arm.

She wrapped her hands around his arm, and waved one of the
waiters over.P A mineral water for
myself, please.P And for you what will
you have to drink?

Brad smoothed out the sleeve of his tuxedo.P Chocolate malted.P Shaken, not stirred.

What would you would like to see first?P Diamonds?P
Emeralds?P Opals?

Well, Ive just recently developed an interest in rubies,
he said with a wink.

I think Im beginning to like you, Mister Brad, she
laughed.

Please call me James.

It wasnt terribly original, but air ducts really were a
great way to sneak around in a building.P
In the movies, they were always conveniently large enough for a person
to navigate.P The ducts in the mansion were
only half that size, and had frequent turns and bends that wouldve been
impossible to crawl through unless you happened to have a body made of silver
play-doh.

Drew flowed through the ceiling ductwork in the east wing of
the mansion, trying to keep track of which rooms hed peeked in, and which ones
he had yet to explore.P He hadnt seen
anything very interesting yet, if you didnt count the little spectacle in the
guest room four vents back and he planned on forgetting hed ever seen that.

He sloshed himself up to the next vent, which he thought
shouldve be another guest bedroom but it wasnt.P It seemed to be a grand conference room of some kind.P Oh, great.P Now Im lost.P I must have
taken a wrong turn back there somewhere

But this room turned out to be interesting after all.P Two men in white laboratory smocks were
hunched over a large sheet of paper that had been unrolled on a large oak
table.P Drew had a hard time seeing it,
since their bodies were blocking his view.P
It looked too strange to be blueprints at least of anything hed
even seen before.

Their conversation sounded very technical.P So were agreed on the coordinates.P I just wanted to go over this latest
geological survey.P Came in fresh from
the satellite this morning.P Jenkins is
updating the subsurface data.

Everything sounds good.P
No surprises really, but it doesnt hurt to do one last check.P Well relay the information back to the
computers on the Moonsword, and let Marquis know that everything is a go
for tonight.

The two men walked out of the conference room, and locked
the ornately carved door behind them.P
As their footsteps faded down the hallway, a thick stream of silver
syrup poured out of the air vent on the wall, and started to pool on the
carpet.P Drew was getting pretty good at
this, and in six seconds, he had squished and oozed himself back to his android
form.

The computers on the Moonsword? Drew wondered
aloud.P Weirder and weirder.P Okay, what is all this garbage for?P He walked over to the conference table to
get a better look at the huge chart.P It
had grid lines crisscrossing all over it and the margins were labeled
latitude and longitude.P This was a map.P There was a legend in the upper left-hand
corner

Lunar Mineral Study?P
This was a map of the moon.

A map covered with red dotted lines, with labels like
primary target and secondary target.

Drew took a deep breath.P
Of course he didnt need to breathe but somehow it still had a calming
effect.P All right, dont get too
excited.P This doesnt mean anything.P Marquis owned mines on the moon, so it only
made sense but what had that man meant by a go for tonight?P And the word target had implications
of its own.P Looks like Brad was
right something big is going to happen.

The rattle of the elaborate brass door handle snapped him
back to alertness.P Drew slid underneath
the heavy oak table just as the two lab-smocked men came back into the
room.P They started collecting the maps
and diagrams, joking back and forth as they worked.

So how rich do you think youll be by this time tomorrow?

Rich enough to retire and buy my own little island
somewhere.P Of course, I suppose I
should wait a few months before doing that.

You know, my mother-in-law just retired.P She bought herself a condominium, down in
Miami.P Too bad for her, eh?P Heh, heh, heh I never liked my
mother-in-law very much.P Actually, I
never liked Florida very much.

The two men enjoyed a nasty, cruel laugh as Drew sat behind
a heavy table leg, trying to remain as silent as possible.P He didnt have a clue as to what the two men
even meant but somehow the laughter was tinged with menace, and
evil.P As soon as could sneak out of the
room, he had to get back to Brad and Jenny and warn them.P Whatever was going to happen tonight was
going to be bad.

Continued in Chapter
Eight