A My Life as a
Teenage Robot Fanfic
Chapter Three Shes
a Brick House
Drew stood motionless for a few seconds, staring up silently
into the face of the hulking robot that Jenny had just introduced as her
little sister.P Little sister!?!P Holy schnikey, shes an army tank with
pigtails!P If hed had enough
warning, he could have flowed himself down a storm drain, or morphed himself
into a mailbox, before the girls had arrived to the front of the school.P But now it felt like every eyeball in the
world was trained on him like a police spotlight.P Escape was impossible.P
The stares and snickers from the other kids were bad enough.P But the real killer was Jennys innocent
joy, full of anticipation and excitement for her sister.P She had obviously put a lot of hope and
effort into this
For crying out loud, his brain screamed, say
something, you idiot!
Ah Hi there er XJ-8, is it?P He gulped awkwardly.P Thats a uh pretty name.
It is my assigned serial number, blasted a heavy, droning
synthesized voice.P Number eight in the
line of Global Robotic Response Units.P
Jenny has informed me that your assigned designation is Andrew.
That voice could pulverize a concrete block!P Um thats my name.P But uh everyone calls me Drew, for
Alternate naming noted and stored.P It is nice to meet you, Drew-for-short.
Jenny bubbled with laughter.P Sis, youre so funny!P
Isnt she something else, Drew?
Ohhhhh yeah, shes something else, all right.
XJ-8s pigtails seemed to perk up slightly.P Rhythmic noises detected at fifty meters,
bearing two-seven-five degrees.P Volume
levels excessive.P Initiate sonic countermeasures.P Her left shoulder cracked open, and a large
parabolic dish started to unfold and deploy towards the gym
Its all right, XJ-8.P
Thats the music!P Jenny patted
her on the arm.P Just remember
everything I told you this afternoon, and do what I do.P Now lets get in there and join the fun!
Jenny grabbed Brad by the arm, and ran excitedly through the
double doors into the gym, pulling Brad along behind her.P XJ-8 retracted her sonic dish, and paused
for a second.P Then a massive hand
reached out and clamped around Drews arm with crushing force.
Let us get in there and join the fun, she bellowed, and yanked
Drew off his feet as if he were made of paper.P
Students screamed and dove out of the way as XJ-8 thundered towards the
gym and blasted right through the double doors.P Her head and pigtails punched a silhouette through the top of the
doorway, and Drew smashed in behind her, dragging and bouncing along the floor.
The music was pumping with a heavy beat; small groups of
people were still clumped together in their comfortable cliques.P Jenny gazed in wonder at the transformed
gymnasium; even though she had helped decorate it only yesterday, everything
seemed fresh and new tonight.P Nobodys
dancing yet I guess everyone is still getting warmed up!P She noticed some plaster dust on her
sisters chest plate.P Jenny took her
little sister by the hand.P That gives
us girls a chance to freshen up before things get started!
Drew was staggering to his feet, trying to pull his arm free
of XJ-8s vice grip.P Jenny leaned over
and whispered to him.P Um, just a
little FYI you might want to check out a mirror too.
Y-yeah appreciate the heads-up, Jen.P He plucked a piece of plywood from his
Well be right back, boys!P The Wakeman sisters thundered off towards the restrooms.P Jenny was too excited to notice the stares
from the students, and XJ-8 seemed oblivious to them as they scrambled out of
Okay, see you in a few, girls, Brad shouted, through a
forced grin.P He slowly got the courage
to turn and meet Drews murderous glare.P
Drews left arm was dangling from his shoulder like a piece of crumpled
tinfoil.P A wave of rippling
silver-green went through it, and the arm slowly repaired itself.
Heh-heh-heh isnt that just like women, huh? Brad
chuckled nervously.P They spend all day
getting ready, we finally get here, and whats the first thing they do?P They go to the bathroom.
Drews eyes narrowed to angry slits.P I so hate your guts right now.
Oh, come on!P I told
you, I didnt know about any of this!P
Look, I was as surprised as you were.
When you said Jen was bringing me a blind date, I was
worried about enjoying the dance.P Now
Im just worried about surviving it.P
Drew inspected his arm, counting his fingers.P And thats her sister?P
Oh, thats beautiful.P Thats
just bee-flippin-yootiful.P He buried
his face in his hands.
Yes, thats her sister, so Jennys probably feeling really
protective of her.P I guess she really
wants XJ-8 to get out and have normal fun, just like her.P Brad frowned he was sympathetic to Drews
predicament, but he didnt want anything to upset Jenny tonight.P Youre not thinking of bailing on her, are
Thinking about it?P
Dang skippy.P Actually going to
do it?P Drew rolled his eyes and
Brad grinned, and punched him in the shoulder.P Thats the spirit!P What a trooper.
A nearby group of students, who had all been enjoying the
spectacle, started to laugh.P A tall
senior shouted towards Drew.P Hey,
Android I didnt know that you were into heavy machinery.P If you need a date for the prom, I can give
you the phone number of a really cute cement mixer!
Android! laughed another, does your date make that beep-beep-beep
noise when she backs up?
Drew grimaced with humiliation, and renewed his death-stare
at Brad.P Trooper, schmooper.P Ive changed my mind.P Dude, say something to Jenny when she gets
Quiet! Brad shushed.P
Here they come!P All right, all
right, Ill try.
Jenny and XJ-8 made their way back through the growing mass
of teens; but it certainly wasnt hard to pick Jennys little sister out of a
crowd.P She lumbered up to the boys,
sending a sharp vibration through the hardwood floor with each step.P Freshening up completed, the synthesized
voice boomed in monotone.P Please
provide schedule and instruction for impending social activity.
See?P Shes as eager
to get started as I am! giggled Jenny.P
So when does the dance start?P
The music sounds really awesome!
Pretty soon, I think, answered Brad.P They give everyone a chance to warm up, and
then the DJ usually starts things off.P
Hey, um, Jenny can we talk for a second before things get too loud in
Sure, Brad.P She
smiled at Drew and XJ-8.P Thatll give
you two a chance to get to know each other better!
Hey, great, thanks, Drew said through a phony smile.P He gestured to Brad as he walked off with
Jenny get me out of this!P Brad
gestured back for him to just stay calm.P A few steps away, he and Jenny found a spot of relative
privacy.P Brad took a deep breath, and
tried to think of some diplomatic way to get Drew off the hook.
Wow, it was ah quite a surprise to see you show up with
your sister, Jen.P Man, surprise
is one way of putting it!P Are you
sure shes er ready for something like this?
I know, I know, she nodded, youre thinking of the picnic
incident.P But dont worry.P XJ-8 and I spent the whole afternoon
together, and I explained everything she needs to know about school
dances.P And shes as excited as I am
about being here tonight!P Well maybe almost
Brad sighed.P Jenny,
youre sure not making this easy huh?P
She was softly blushing.P
Whats going on?P Is something
Nothings wrong, she giggled.P She clasped her hands behind her back, and
tucked one foot behind the other.P I
just cant believe Im really actually here at a school dance.P I was pretty certain that nobody would ever
want to go with me and I figured that there was at least three or four girls
who wanted you to ask them out.P She fidgeted
with one of her pigtails, blushing furiously now.P I didnt think youd actually ask me to go with you.P Im Im really glad you did, Brad.
Well, of course!P
Why wouldnt I P Brad stopped, finally
noticing the coquettish way that Jenny was looking at him, out of the corners
of her eyes.P A stupid grin started to
tug at the corners of his mouth.P Uh
youve been so great about helping me set up Drew and my little sister that
means a lot to me.P Its her very
first date.P Thats very special to a
girl kind of like how this is she gulped nervously our first
date.P You know, I told you Ive been
learning dance steps all week long.P I
I made sure to learn some slow dance steps, too.P That is if you want to.P She giggled into her hands.
Slow dance? he babbled dreamily.P Just a second.
Brad turned, and shouted to Drew and XJ-8.P All right, you two crazy kids, have
fun!P Well catch you on the dance
floor!P With a quick wave, he and Jenny
walked off into the crowd, playfully laughing and flirting with each other.
Drew shook a fist at him, mumbling under his breath.P Why that dirty rotten double-crosser
You have assumed combat posture, droned XJ-8.P Threat detection sweep: results
negative.P Please explain your behavior,
Combat posture? he gasped, turning back to her.P No!P
I was just ah um oh, boy.P
Well, Im stuck for the duration now.P Yeah, this is gonna be a magical night to remember.P Better figure out a way to make the best of
this.P Ah . Why dont you tell me
a little about yourself.P So youre a
global defense robot like your big sister, huh?P Wow, you must lead a pretty fascinating life!
I reside in storage, in a powered-down state, running
low-level internal diagnostics.
Ah thats really . um P Oh brother, looks like shes not going to be much for
conversation.P Heh-heh I suppose
that gives you lots of time to catch up on TV, then.P Seen any good shows lately?
Her head suddenly rotated to the left.P Suspicious activity detected.P Conducting situation analysis.
he turned to see what she could possibly mean.P She was staring at a pair of shaggy-looking boys, hovering around
the refreshment table, chuckling to themselves.P Drew had to admit that they did look like they were up to no
good.P One boy reached into his denim
jacket, pulled out a bottle of clear liquid, and moved towards the punch bowl.
Those two adolescents are conducting a chemical attack on
drinking resource integrity!P she
blared.P XJ-8s left arm lunged out, and
cracked open at the elbow.P With amazing
speed, metallic tubes and sections unfolded and deployed into a cannon with a
muzzle three feet across.P It looked
like something that belonged on a navy battleship.P It quickly whined to life
No, dont!P Drew
yelled, panicking.P Theyre just trying
to spike the punch
With a concussive blast, a huge mass of white sticky straps
flew out of the cannon barrel.P The
shaggy-boys barely had enough time to look up as the material slammed into
them, wrapping them from head to toe in a sticky cocoon.P The bottle of booze shattered as they
dropped to the gym floor, and started wriggling around like a pair of landed
Drew sprinted through the excited crowd, with XJ-8 following
him, heading towards the troublemakers.P
He ripped the straps away from their heads, and their blue-cheeked faces
gasped for air.P Drew sighed with
relief.P All right you two, why dont
you relax right there for a minute, he gasped.P And just be thankful that thing wasnt firing acid, or plasma
bolts, or something even more creative.
All right, XJ-8, I know you meant well, but XJ-8?P She wasnt behind him anymore she was
standing back at the refreshments table, watching a small group of girls
casually talking and munching on appetizers.
Eh, these pizza rolls arent bad, one of the girls said,
but theyre a little cold.
Initiate reheat sequence, boomed XJ-8.P She held out her right hand, and a nozzle
deployed from her palm.P A flame sprung
to life from her index finger, and she lowered it towards the nozzle
Holy smokin-eyed Moses! Drew shouted.P Its a flame thrower!P He hurdled the refreshment table and pushed
the girls to the floor, knocking the tray of appetizers into the air.P He caught the tray, just as a jet of orange
flame lunged from XJ-8s palm, blasting him like the afterburner exhaust from a
jet engine.P Students screamed and
shrunk back from the heat of the fire; but before any kind of a crisis could
start, the flamethrower switched off, and retracted back into XJ-8s hand.
Drew stood in the middle of a charred section of floor,
wobbling back and forth, pitch black from the knees up.P Flecks of soot drifted off of his body, face
and hair, floating softly to the gym floor.P
A pair of stunned white eyes blinked into view, in the middle of a
coal-black face.P And he was still
holding a now-warped serving tray, covered with small black clumps, burning
The girls got up off the floor and stared at Drew with
disgusted looks.P He held out the
serving tray to one of them.P Pizza
roll? he stammered.P He took one, put
the flame out, and tossed it in his mouth.P
much, she sneered, and headed to the other side of the gym as the crowd roared
Drew moaned to himself under his breath, and stumbled his
way back to XJ-8, who was still standing indifferently by the refreshment
table.P He slowly looked up into her
face, with pleading eyes.P Lets try
not to use any more robotic assault weaponry on school premises, mmmkay?
Safeties activated, bellowed XJ-8.P Is it now time for ritualistic social
Give me a minute or two, he sighed.P Or five.P
Or fifteen.P Or two hours.
Suddenly there was a merciful distraction, as a sophomore
came running into the gym from the outside.P
He had a look of total disbelief on his face.P Guys!P Guys!P You have got to see this! he yelled, waving
his arms for attention.P I tell ya, you
are not going to believe your eyes!
It took some doing to get the crowds attention after the
flaming display by the refreshments, but gradually a buzz built through the
entire gym, as hundreds of loud whispers passed the message from person to
person.P Somebody important must have
just arrived, and was about to make a big entrance.P The activity seemed to be busiest by the double doors, and sure
enough, they swung open
The crowd reeled back in shock.P Jaws hit the floor.P Guys
and girls alike stared in astonishment.
Sheldon casually strolled through the doors dressed to kill
in a white sport jacket, black shirt, and white pants.P He wore a stylish pair of sunglasses, and
his hair was gelled back off of his forehead, although he still sported a
cowlick.P But it was a stunning
transformation, if a bit comical for the folks who knew who Sheldon Lee was.
Sheldon simply smiled to the crowd, and gestured to his
A stunning, six-foot brunette glided into the school gym,
dressed in a form-fitting red party dress and tall red boots.P Long, dark brown hair flowed over her
shoulders, half-way down her back.P She
had a figure that rivaled any girl at the school; she looked more like a
college girl, or a young woman.P No,
even that wasnt fair to her.P She could
easily have stepped off of the cover of the latest Swimsuit Illustrated
magazine.P The mystery bombshell walked
up next to Sheldon, slid her silky-smooth hand through his arm, and gave him a
squeeze.P She gazed at him with her
large, dark brown eyes, and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek with her pouty
Every boy in the gym gazed at her like a panting wolf, each
of them wondering the same thing.P How
on Earth did Sheldon get a girl like that?!?
Sheldon slipped off his sunglasses and slid them into his
jacket pocket.P Ladies and gentlemen,
he grinned, Id like you all to meet Helena.
Continued in Chapter